Drama Llama

I'm really not sure what I want to say here.  I have been thinking on/stewing on some things for a few days and I still have no idea what I want to say specifically.  I don't want to sound dramatic either, though I'm sure some think that of me no matter what, so bear with me.


With a new baby on the way I have been cleaning house.  Purging lots of things that we don't need.  Donating things that are just taking up space and we have no use for anymore.  It feels so good when I drop off a load of things to Goodwill or other such donation sites.  I have also been trying to get a bit more organized.  Call it summer cleaning/nesting or whatever, it is feeling good.  


I have also been trying to minimize my stress.  We have more than our fair share here with little kids, babies coming back to back, new cars to buy, old houses to try and unload, church callings, work related issues, cats...I know so many of you can relate.  There are stresses that I can't avoid and are necessary.  I am doing my best to embrace and accept those stresses and learn and grow with them.  And at the same time I am coming to realize that there are many stresses that I don't have to have in my life at all.  That I am allowing them a level of importance out of fear.  Fear of hurting other people's feelings because I tend to be blunt.  Fear of how it will look to other people if I were to just say enough and cut the crap. 


A few nights ago while I was folding clothing I was stewing about something I had to deal with on Facebook.  I was irritated that it should even be an issue and this particular person was someone I didn't much care for anyway.  So why on EARTH was I still friends with this person??  Why was the thought of "unfriending" someone, whose very name showing up on my page makes me irritated, making me feel guilty?  It's MY PAGE right??  I don't have to have ANYONE as a friend that I don't want, right?   


I love Facebook.  I very much do.  I feel connected to other people during the day.  All you wonderful people that I miss so much from "home" I can "see" and chat with and keep up with.  I have developed wonderful friendships with people that I otherwise would not have been able to connect with and I am beyond thankful for that.  I have been able to get to know new friends here in NE better than I ever could have with out FB.  I love reading little bits of your family and children's struggles and funnies.  I love seeing my nieces and nephews grow and the silly things they say and do! I love chatting with siblings, parents and cousins. I love that so many of you share not only the good and happy things, but the hard, sad, and frustrating things as well.  It is good to feel connected to others, to know that I am not a lone in my struggles, and hear what worked for you and why.  I am so thankful that we have this technology that keeps me in touch with so many of you wonderful people. 


That said, I won't be posting as much for the next little bit while I get my friends list under control.  I will still be on and probably comment on all your stuff (because I need that connection) but there are some people in my life right now that seem to have a problem with my posting anything that isn't rainbows, glitter and sunshine.  Not only do they have a problem with it, they feel the need to bug me and others about it.  So instead of second guessing EVERYTHING I post, wondering if people will understand and see the humor like I do, wondering if I really am just a dramatic crazy and if am raising a houseful of dramatic crazies, and wondering if we will be getting texts and phone calls about my poor, emotionally difficult and sensitive self...well, I will just cut back on everything until I feel that my friends list is a "safe" place again.  


I am done keeping certain people on my "friends" list because I "should" or because it "looks right."  I have decided that my Facebook friends should be people that I enjoy.  Why on EARTH am I friends with people that I have to hide from my page (and there are more than a few of these people!!)?  I shouldn't even NEED to use a Restricted List.  If you need to be restricted then you shouldn't be my friend.  Period.  I was shocked by how many people I have had to "hide" from my wall and who I have on restricted access because their lifestyles and mine just don't jive AT ALL.  Maybe it sounds harsh.  Maybe it is but like all the useless stuff in my house all these people who add nothing but stress that I don't need are going too. At least on my facebook page!  


So I am taking back my Facebook.  It should be about my preferences and I am going to make it about me! Selfish I know, but as many other parent's know it isn't often that we can be selfish and have it be "okay." I should have somewhere that I can share good and bad things with people who are going through the same things without having to worry about how things "look" to everyone else.  I should be surrounding myself with support, fun, and understanding.  I should be surrounding myself with people who can agree to disagree and we can ENJOY the disagreeing because we are intelligent adults who enjoy hearing both sides.  I should have a bunch of friends.  


I know that I am very close to having a baby too and I didn't want my lack of sharing on FB to worry anyone.  Brady and I have many wonderful family members and friends who we share much with on FB (well me more than him lol) and I don't want anyone to worry about us on that front.  


So here I go!  Time to purge!