Some pictures don't really need words, but you should know that I raked those leaves at least 40 or 50 times. :o)
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
Friday, November 18, 2011
It is done...
It's done. We took Bonnie to the pound today. The whole family went. I was the one to take her inside.
I tried to find someone else to take her. We even put an add up online, but received only scams for replies. This made me sad because I really didn't want to take her to the pound. The only good news is, that our local humane society here says that they haven't had to put down a dog that was adoptable (meaning isn't violent or bites) in many years. Bonnie is a good dog who is very good with children. I am hopeful that she will find a home that is a good match for her very soon. Even the lady who took her in and heard my story thought that she would find another home very easily.
I cried. Despite everything that I have dealt with with this dog, I cried. Brady thinks she was afraid of me. I think she just wanted my place in our family pack. She LOVED Brady. She would stick to him like glue when he was home. She would barely let me touch her sometimes (usually she would pee herself if I tried). She would often pee and poop on my side of the closet or the floor by my side of the bed. She would pee and poop in the girls room when there would any kind of change in the house. If I was busy cleaning or working on the computer she would often sneak upstairs and pee or poop in any open bedroom. She would play with the girls and when I would come and try to play with her, she would abandon the game and refuse to play, instead she would cower in the corner. I felt like a bully, and I had never done anything to her.
We couldn't leave her out alone in the house. She would pee and poop and scratch out at the doors. For a while we would gate her in the kitchen but she figured out how to get past the gate so we finally had to kennel her. She would get so anxious when we would leave and then flip out when we got back. It was so crazy.
Despite all of that, when they had me put my little dog in that cage, and I looked down at her little terrified face, I cried.
I cried because for the first six months we had her she was so good! She potty trained so easily. She was sweet and cuddly (yes even with me). She would let the little kids pull and tug on her and never bit or nipped. She kept me company while Brady was gone at basic training and tech school. She traveled super well and I didn't have to have her on leash all the time. She would come when called and stay near me and the kids when walking around. She was great with other dogs and cats. She was a great all around dog.
Then Brady came home and we prepared to move to Nebraska. Everything changed. She clung to him and started avoiding me. She also started peeing in Cadence's room at night. When we moved she kept that up. We ended up buying dog diapers, which she hated, to keep her from ruining the carpet. It worked and we started the diaper cycles. She would start behaving, the diaper would come off, she would be good for a few weeks and then she would start peeing again. It was insane. Then she started fixating on me. I couldn't call to the girls to come eat with out her cowering in a corner. I couldn't laugh out loud with out her running to hide. If I tried to pet her she would pee. I spent hours on the internet looking for solutions. Got advice from friends and gave it my all. Somethings helped for a while, but she would always go back to her old ways, no matter how consistent I was.
The last straw, the day I decided I was done, I was putting clothes away in my room. Bonnie followed me in and I told her to leave. She didn't, instead she followed me into the closet where I was putting clothes away. Again I told her to get out. I went and got more clothes, turned back to the closet and there was Bonnie, pooping. She had already peed. She wasn't even trying to hide it from me anymore. I just sat on the floor and cried. I realized that if I kept her I was going to be cleaning her mess out of my carpet until she died. Or I died. I wouldn't put it past her to out live me just to have Brady all to herself. In that instant I knew that it was her or me, and since I was pretty sure that Brady liked me better, it had to be her.
In that moment I felt relieved. And in the next moment I felt horribly guilty. I felt small and ugly for even thinking of giving her up. I had taken this dog into my family. I had promised to love her and take care of her. I did (do still) love her. I had been praying for many months for help. Help to know what to do for her. Help even to just let go of my frustration with her constant defecating. I prayed that the dog would just love me too! Giving her up meant I had failed at all of this! I was a bad pet mommy. What if she never found another home??
Later that week, while I was still looking for another home for her, there was an incident. Brady was laying on the floor and Bonnie was glued to his side as always. Rory saw Brady laying there and ran over to jump on him. The second that Bonnie realized that she was heading for Brady she jumped forward and started trying to nip her. I was horrified. Bonnie had never done that ever before. In that moment I knew I really was making the right decision. My family was more important than trying to find ways to keep this crazy dog happy.
I know that I made the right decision for my family. I know I made the only decision that would keep me from going crazy. I know it. But I still feel guilty. Even with her nipping Rory. I am sad inside.
Bonnie I wish that you could have been what I needed too. I am praying that you will find just the right owner, who will be able to give you what you need. Despite everything I will miss you. Be good okay?
I tried to find someone else to take her. We even put an add up online, but received only scams for replies. This made me sad because I really didn't want to take her to the pound. The only good news is, that our local humane society here says that they haven't had to put down a dog that was adoptable (meaning isn't violent or bites) in many years. Bonnie is a good dog who is very good with children. I am hopeful that she will find a home that is a good match for her very soon. Even the lady who took her in and heard my story thought that she would find another home very easily.
I cried. Despite everything that I have dealt with with this dog, I cried. Brady thinks she was afraid of me. I think she just wanted my place in our family pack. She LOVED Brady. She would stick to him like glue when he was home. She would barely let me touch her sometimes (usually she would pee herself if I tried). She would often pee and poop on my side of the closet or the floor by my side of the bed. She would pee and poop in the girls room when there would any kind of change in the house. If I was busy cleaning or working on the computer she would often sneak upstairs and pee or poop in any open bedroom. She would play with the girls and when I would come and try to play with her, she would abandon the game and refuse to play, instead she would cower in the corner. I felt like a bully, and I had never done anything to her.
We couldn't leave her out alone in the house. She would pee and poop and scratch out at the doors. For a while we would gate her in the kitchen but she figured out how to get past the gate so we finally had to kennel her. She would get so anxious when we would leave and then flip out when we got back. It was so crazy.
Despite all of that, when they had me put my little dog in that cage, and I looked down at her little terrified face, I cried.
I cried because for the first six months we had her she was so good! She potty trained so easily. She was sweet and cuddly (yes even with me). She would let the little kids pull and tug on her and never bit or nipped. She kept me company while Brady was gone at basic training and tech school. She traveled super well and I didn't have to have her on leash all the time. She would come when called and stay near me and the kids when walking around. She was great with other dogs and cats. She was a great all around dog.
Then Brady came home and we prepared to move to Nebraska. Everything changed. She clung to him and started avoiding me. She also started peeing in Cadence's room at night. When we moved she kept that up. We ended up buying dog diapers, which she hated, to keep her from ruining the carpet. It worked and we started the diaper cycles. She would start behaving, the diaper would come off, she would be good for a few weeks and then she would start peeing again. It was insane. Then she started fixating on me. I couldn't call to the girls to come eat with out her cowering in a corner. I couldn't laugh out loud with out her running to hide. If I tried to pet her she would pee. I spent hours on the internet looking for solutions. Got advice from friends and gave it my all. Somethings helped for a while, but she would always go back to her old ways, no matter how consistent I was.
The last straw, the day I decided I was done, I was putting clothes away in my room. Bonnie followed me in and I told her to leave. She didn't, instead she followed me into the closet where I was putting clothes away. Again I told her to get out. I went and got more clothes, turned back to the closet and there was Bonnie, pooping. She had already peed. She wasn't even trying to hide it from me anymore. I just sat on the floor and cried. I realized that if I kept her I was going to be cleaning her mess out of my carpet until she died. Or I died. I wouldn't put it past her to out live me just to have Brady all to herself. In that instant I knew that it was her or me, and since I was pretty sure that Brady liked me better, it had to be her.
In that moment I felt relieved. And in the next moment I felt horribly guilty. I felt small and ugly for even thinking of giving her up. I had taken this dog into my family. I had promised to love her and take care of her. I did (do still) love her. I had been praying for many months for help. Help to know what to do for her. Help even to just let go of my frustration with her constant defecating. I prayed that the dog would just love me too! Giving her up meant I had failed at all of this! I was a bad pet mommy. What if she never found another home??
Later that week, while I was still looking for another home for her, there was an incident. Brady was laying on the floor and Bonnie was glued to his side as always. Rory saw Brady laying there and ran over to jump on him. The second that Bonnie realized that she was heading for Brady she jumped forward and started trying to nip her. I was horrified. Bonnie had never done that ever before. In that moment I knew I really was making the right decision. My family was more important than trying to find ways to keep this crazy dog happy.
I know that I made the right decision for my family. I know I made the only decision that would keep me from going crazy. I know it. But I still feel guilty. Even with her nipping Rory. I am sad inside.
Bonnie I wish that you could have been what I needed too. I am praying that you will find just the right owner, who will be able to give you what you need. Despite everything I will miss you. Be good okay?
Saturday, November 12, 2011
Tuckerd out
This girl plays hard. She is always go go go and is incredibly entertaining. And then she just crashes. I have given up trying to get her to nap in her room. She naps where she falls! In just grateful she naps.
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
Yes it's true...
We are pregnant. Again.
As some of you may have guessed already, this was not planned. At all.
So lets go back to Beckah turning four months old.
*******Disclaimer!!! I am about to talk about female things. Not in great, gory detail, but I know some of the guys out there freak out if the word 'period' is mentioned in a 30 foot radius of their person. Consider yourself warned!********
Beckah turned four months and annoying Aunt Flo decides it's time to make a come back. As you can imagine I was less than thrilled. I was, in fact, down right surly about it. Not only was she back I was now getting ovulation pain. It was so bad that I had to take a prescription Motrin left over from Beckah's birth to go about my day in a regular fashion. The only good news in all this was that I knew exactly when it was possible for me to get pregnant (something we didn't want to do any time soon) and my new visits from Aunt Flo were insanely regular. Every thirty days on the nose for 3 months.
During this time, Brady and I had been considering the possibility that we might be done having kids. My pregnancy with Beckah was so incredibly awful that we were both hesitant to go there again. Plus Beckah really is an angel of a baby. We were starting to think maybe we should be ending on a great note, you know. There was still a part of me that really did want another one, though, so I told Brady that we should wait and talk about it in another year and see how we both feel. That would give me a year to take stock of my feelings, either way, and I would have time to be sure of my decision.
I dropped an egg on either the 11th or 12th of October (small biology lesson for those who don't know, sperm can live for about 5-7 days and a woman's egg is only good for a day maybe a day and a half max. So you have to be careful around the time of ovulation for a couple of days in either direction since the sperm can hang out for a bit, ready to pounce on the egg the second they make it into the fallopian tube...now back to your regularly scheduled story time). Aunt Flo was supposed to rear her ugly head on the 23rd of October.
Nothing.
I was a bit surprised considering how regular things had been for the last three months, but I am still breastfeeding Beckah every three hours and in the world of breastfeeding there are no real rules. It was entirely possible for my body to have just decided not to have a period anymore. I looked it up online and everything. And since Brady and I are always super careful about things like this it never even crossed my mind that I might have been pregnant.
So I give it some more time. By Halloween I was starting to have some concerns, but I was also having mild cramping. Any day now, right?
By Thursday the third I decided to get a test. I figured I'd pee on the stick and then I could finally get Aunt Flo to commit. It had worked before.
So after putting Beckah to bed I head to the bathroom. Pee on stick. Change into P.J.'s and head back.
As some of you may have guessed already, this was not planned. At all.
So lets go back to Beckah turning four months old.
*******Disclaimer!!! I am about to talk about female things. Not in great, gory detail, but I know some of the guys out there freak out if the word 'period' is mentioned in a 30 foot radius of their person. Consider yourself warned!********
Beckah turned four months and annoying Aunt Flo decides it's time to make a come back. As you can imagine I was less than thrilled. I was, in fact, down right surly about it. Not only was she back I was now getting ovulation pain. It was so bad that I had to take a prescription Motrin left over from Beckah's birth to go about my day in a regular fashion. The only good news in all this was that I knew exactly when it was possible for me to get pregnant (something we didn't want to do any time soon) and my new visits from Aunt Flo were insanely regular. Every thirty days on the nose for 3 months.
During this time, Brady and I had been considering the possibility that we might be done having kids. My pregnancy with Beckah was so incredibly awful that we were both hesitant to go there again. Plus Beckah really is an angel of a baby. We were starting to think maybe we should be ending on a great note, you know. There was still a part of me that really did want another one, though, so I told Brady that we should wait and talk about it in another year and see how we both feel. That would give me a year to take stock of my feelings, either way, and I would have time to be sure of my decision.
I dropped an egg on either the 11th or 12th of October (small biology lesson for those who don't know, sperm can live for about 5-7 days and a woman's egg is only good for a day maybe a day and a half max. So you have to be careful around the time of ovulation for a couple of days in either direction since the sperm can hang out for a bit, ready to pounce on the egg the second they make it into the fallopian tube...now back to your regularly scheduled story time). Aunt Flo was supposed to rear her ugly head on the 23rd of October.
Nothing.
I was a bit surprised considering how regular things had been for the last three months, but I am still breastfeeding Beckah every three hours and in the world of breastfeeding there are no real rules. It was entirely possible for my body to have just decided not to have a period anymore. I looked it up online and everything. And since Brady and I are always super careful about things like this it never even crossed my mind that I might have been pregnant.
So I give it some more time. By Halloween I was starting to have some concerns, but I was also having mild cramping. Any day now, right?
By Thursday the third I decided to get a test. I figured I'd pee on the stick and then I could finally get Aunt Flo to commit. It had worked before.
So after putting Beckah to bed I head to the bathroom. Pee on stick. Change into P.J.'s and head back.
Oh no. Oh no no no no no. I shook the stick. It's still there. That's when I started to cry.
Yeah. I cried.
It was too soon. We were smart and careful!!! I was thinking back to when it had to have happened and there wasn't any obvious cause for concern. Maybe the test is wrong.
I took the offending stick to Brady. He took one look, his eyes got huge, and he asked me if it was a joke. Nope. I cried some more.
Brady hugged me and said, "Honey, lets have a baby." It was probably one of the best things he could have said.
We talked about when it must have happened and when baby would be due and needing a new car. We are hoping I won't be as sick as last time.
I did pee on another stick the next morning to be sure. That one said pregnant too.
I wish I would have taken a video of when we told the girls. Cadence's face was priceless and they are so excited. Rory will just randomly hug me and tell me that she is so glad I am pregnant again. They have made me excited too.
There are plans to make and stress ahead, but we will make do. While unexpected, this baby is most certainly wanted.
So here again is our new family tree, with my due date! :o) The girls helped me do finger print leaves. It was so much fun!
Monday, November 7, 2011
Our Family Tree
The girls and I did a little art project we wanted to share with everyone!
Yes there is a story to go with this.
Don't worry.
I'll tell you all more about it in a few days. :o)
Friday, November 4, 2011
She's 8 months old...
Where does the time go?
She crawls now and is getting fast. Time to get a gate for the stairs I think.
She is still so sweet. To me anyway. She is going through some severe "anyone who isn't mommy" issues. It's making things tough for daddy. And who am I kidding, mommy too.
She has a lot of teeth now. Two on top, two on bottom, and she is working on about four more.
No it's not very fun.
The picture below is my favorite face she makes right now. I call it bulldog face. Annoying part is when she makes this face it usually means she is grinding her teeth together. Sigh.
Happy 8 months sweet girl! You are growing up to fast!
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
Halloween 2011
We had a blast this halloween. I got to walk the girls door to door this year (Brady did it last year). It was perfect that night, in the 50s I think. For us that is warm! lol
Cadence was a vampire and Rory was a blue dragon. Beckah was a ladybug, but only because we couldn't find the green monster sleeper in her size. In the picture below Beckah was ticked because I wasn't holding her. That happens a lot these days.
Cadence wanted purple hair to match her dress. The first can of spray we bought (said purple on the bottle people) made her hair bright pink. She had a costume party for a friends birthday and she was pretty annoyed by the pink. So we found another brand and it came out more purple than pink. Cadence was happy with it.
And what Cadence does, Rory must do as well.
We had gone to the pumpkin patch while Uncle Kyle was here and he found us an awesome pumpkin. 32lbs of pumpkin if I remember correctly. I picked up one more at the Walmart. When it came time to carve them we did a nice face on the big one and Brady insisted on doing a "Creeper" from one of the games he plays on the computer. lol The girls really liked it.
The "Creeper"
And the more standard face on the big pumpkin.
The girls really enjoyed looking at them when we were done.
Once they were on the porch our local squirrels decided they were fair game. For whatever reason the liked the "Creeper" and didn't even touch the big one. So after about three days you couldn't tell what the "Creeper" had been, they had eaten that much of it's face! lol
It was fun. We gave out a ton of candy and the girls got tons more! I really love living in a place where we can go door to door again. There really isn't anything like it.
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