These girls of mine

January has been rough for us.  Especially me.  I have been sick for most of it and Beckah has joined me for most of it.  

Despite that we have been having a good time here in the Lantz home.  

Rory has a great pout. 

And this girl is a nut.  She has the most expressive face and we are constantly laughing at her antics. 

Cadence...dressed for school. She chopped all her hair off (not herself! At a salon) the beginning of the month.  We love it short since she can take car of it herself!  :o) 

These two.  Always together. 

And this one isn't far behind them. 

Happy January to everyone!

Hello 2012

This past year has been full of ups and downs for us.  It is pretty sad that when I look back on 2011 I mostly feel tired.  It was a long year full of illness for us.  But it was also full of so many good things.  


Beckah was born in March. Her birth was one of best experiences of my life.  She brought a feeling of completion to our family that I had never felt before.  Her personality really started to blossom in December 2011.  She is very vocal and super busy.  And she finally fell in love with her daddy.  That had to be one of the sweetest things I have ever watched.    


Cadence started school.  Holy cow.  She is so grown up.  She always has been to grown up for her age, but her starting school was really a shock to my system.  It's crazy that something you have known is coming for years could be a shock.  She is excelling in school.  Loves her friends and can read now.  She is so brilliant and wonderful and makes my job as her mother so easy.  I feel extremely lucky to have her.  She is an awesome big sister and is probably the most excited about the new baby. 


Dear Rory.  Rory turned three and entered my least favorite year in the process of growing up (so far anyway).  She is stubborn and difficult (wonder where she gets that from?).  But she is so witty, loving, and very defensive of her family.  She has so much personality packed into her little tiny frame.  We have slowly been able to get her allergy/sensitivities under control and despite being perfectly capable of using the potty, she more often chooses not to.  I have a feeling that Rory and I are the most alike and will be bumping heads more often than not.  She will help me learn and grow as a mother in ways that I know my other children will not.  


Probably the biggest surprise of 2011 was finding out about our 4th baby.  It was a huge shock and I was very surprised by my reaction.  I am slowly starting to get excited for another baby.  Part of me is super sad that I won't have the time with Beckah that I had with my other girls.  I will probably always feel this way.  Deep down, though, I know that I wouldn't be pregnant right now if the Lord didn't think this child needed to be here now at this time in our family.  So far my pregnancy has been crazy and everything has been upside down and inside out compared to my other pregnancies.  I am hoping that things calm down soon so that I can just  enjoy this time.  This will be our last baby and I want to enjoy every moment that I can.  I don't want to look back and wish I would have done things differently.  


Brady.  He is my rock.  He really is.  He is so steady and reliable.  He is such a good dad, always stepping up without complaint when I am exhausted or at my wits end.  He is excelling at his job.  I am loving that he enjoys the work he is doing.  I am so glad that I look forward to him coming home everyday, and not just for the break from the kids, but because I want to see him and tell him how my day went and here all about what he did today even if half the time I have only a vague idea of what he is talking about.  I still love to hear him tell me about it.  


So on to 2012.  I was going to set myself some goals.  I had a few in mind but in the end I decided that my goal for this year is to improve.  Improve myself, my family, my photography, my motherhood, my relationships, my ability to serve, my relationship with God...you get the picture.  I don't want to over do it, but I need to start doing little things that make me feel better about me and help me to grow into a better me.  


Happy New Year everyone!  I hope that 2012 is our best year yet!

Uh-Oh!

She crawls around the house saying this most of the day.  She's so cute! And today she is 10 months old.  

What happens when things are too quiet at my house...

Fall fun...

Some pictures don't really need words, but you should know that I raked those leaves at least 40 or 50 times. :o)

It is done...

It's done.  We took Bonnie to the pound today.  The whole family went.  I was the one to take her inside.  


I tried to find someone else to take her.  We even put an add up online, but received only scams for replies.  This made me sad because I really didn't want to take her to the pound.  The only good news is, that our local humane society here says that they haven't had to put down a dog that was adoptable (meaning isn't violent or bites) in many years.  Bonnie is a good dog who is very good with children.  I am hopeful that she will find a home that is a good match for her very soon.  Even the lady who took her in and heard my story thought that she would find another home very easily.  


I cried.  Despite everything that I have dealt with with this dog, I cried.  Brady thinks she was afraid of me.  I think she just wanted my place in our family pack.  She LOVED Brady.  She would stick to him like glue when he was home.  She would barely let me touch her sometimes (usually she would pee herself if I tried).  She would often pee and poop on my side of the closet or the floor by my side of the bed. She would pee and poop in the girls room when there would any kind of change in the house.  If I was busy cleaning or working on the computer she would often sneak upstairs and pee or poop in any open bedroom. She would play with the girls and when I would come and try to play with her, she would abandon the game and refuse to play, instead she would cower in the corner.  I felt like a bully, and I had never done anything to her.  


We couldn't leave her out alone in the house.  She would pee and poop and scratch out at the doors.  For a while we would gate her in the kitchen but she figured out how to get past the gate so we finally had to kennel her.  She would get so anxious when we would leave and then flip out when we got back.  It was so crazy. 


Despite all of that, when they had me put my little dog in that cage, and I looked down at her little terrified face, I cried.  


I cried because for the first six months we had her she was so good!  She potty trained so easily.  She was sweet and cuddly (yes even with me).  She would let the little kids pull and tug on her and never bit or nipped. She kept me company while Brady was gone at basic training and tech school.  She traveled super well and I didn't have to have her on leash all the time.  She would come when called and stay near me and the kids when walking around.  She was great with other dogs and cats.  She was a great all around dog.  


Then Brady came home and we prepared to move to Nebraska.  Everything changed.  She clung to him and started avoiding me.  She also started peeing in Cadence's room at night.  When we moved she kept that up.  We ended up buying dog diapers, which she hated, to keep her from ruining the carpet.  It worked and we started the diaper cycles.  She would start behaving, the diaper would come off, she would be good for a few weeks and then she would start peeing again.  It was insane.  Then she started fixating on me.  I couldn't call to the girls to come eat with out her cowering in a corner.  I couldn't laugh out loud with out her running to hide. If I tried to pet her she would pee.  I spent hours on the internet looking for solutions.  Got advice from friends and gave it my all.  Somethings helped for a while, but she would always go back to her old ways, no matter how consistent I was.  


The last straw, the day I decided I was done, I was putting clothes away in my room.  Bonnie followed me in and I told her to leave.  She didn't, instead she followed me into the closet where I was putting clothes away.  Again I told her to get out.  I went and got more clothes, turned back to the closet and there was Bonnie, pooping.  She had already peed.  She wasn't even trying to hide it from me anymore.  I just sat on the floor and cried.  I realized that if I kept her I was going to be cleaning her mess out of my carpet until she died. Or I died.  I wouldn't put it past her to out live me just to have Brady all to herself.  In that instant I knew that it was her or me, and since I was pretty sure that Brady liked me better, it had to be her.  


In that moment I felt relieved.  And in the next moment I felt horribly guilty.  I felt small and ugly for even thinking of giving her up. I had taken this dog into my family.  I had promised to love her and take care of her.  I did (do still) love her.  I had been praying for many months for help.  Help to know what to do for her.  Help even to just let go of my frustration with her constant defecating.  I prayed that the dog would just love me too!  Giving her up meant I had failed at all of this!  I was a bad pet mommy.  What if she never found another home??   


Later that week, while I was still looking for another home for her, there was an incident.  Brady was laying on the floor and Bonnie was glued to his side as always.  Rory saw Brady laying there and ran over to jump on him.  The second that Bonnie realized that she was heading for Brady she jumped forward and started trying to nip her.  I was horrified.  Bonnie had never done that ever before.  In that moment I knew I really was making the right decision.  My family was more important than trying to find ways to keep this crazy dog happy. 


I know that I made the right decision for my family.  I know I made the only decision that would keep me from going crazy.  I know it.  But I still feel guilty.  Even with her nipping Rory.  I am sad inside.  


Bonnie I wish that you could have been what I needed too.  I am praying that you will find just the right owner, who will be able to give you what you need.  Despite everything I will miss you.  Be good okay?  

Tuckerd out

This girl plays hard. She is always go go go and is incredibly entertaining. And then she just crashes. I have given up trying to get her to nap in her room. She naps where she falls! In just grateful she naps.